Monologue

Four summers after the world ended

I reread Tommy Pico’s Nature Poem 

listened to Tracy Chapman's Fast Car on repeat 

I am 24 and finally know what it feels like to be understood 

The song follows me into my sleep, on my walks

The song cuts off at every door I close

Tracy, I wanna run away with you from you to you

Tracy, can you taste my pain like blood between your teeth? 

Like I can for you?

I too have felt suffocated by my city 

I too have thought there was someone out there who could save me with a kiss 

The end of the world is an SUV

I remind myself there were poets long before I decided to become one 

That breathing wasn't discovered the moment I was born 

When someone compliments my necklace I 

have to double check it is still there

That pain is universal

That dancing and poverty look the same in every city 

I kiss the hand that feeds me 

The first time my world ended:

The second season finale of Awkward

When Jenna chooses her ex over a trip to Europe 

they are at a party and her favorite song is playing 

and everyone is happy and she's sitting in his lap watching all her friends dance

and it's just him and her and the song is fading out 

and you can see the moment she realizes she made the wrong choice 

Then I was sitting in a dark room with the weight of her world ending on my shoulders 

The worlds’ biggest con is people who don't dance 

The end of the world is Red Wine Supernova and me missing all the notes at the karaoke bar 

pulling the song out my throat with one hand pointing at the sky 

dedicating the song to the hottest girl in the room 

I scream all I’ve ever wanted to be is you! 

When I was a kid I used to hide from the sun, Chappel! 

I shot my arrow at an empty sky and missed 

The end of the world is a mirror 

My reflection is my mother

mouthing oraciones to me 

But I can’t translate them fast enough 

The end of the world is the green text box 

I send one four, five times, a year
always waiting for it to turn blue 

The end of the world is the second wedding I went to 

Heidi Gardner was there in a pink 80’s prom dress

and the mother watched me cry from the corner of her eyes 

It was a sculpture garden ceremony 

with statues of man verses demons 

man verses god, a woman verses herself

I tried writing vows in my head

but the only thing I could think up was 

I am always moving 

The end of the world is an abstract 

or maybe just another love poem 

disguised as apocalypse 

The end of the world is a ribbon tying itself into a bow 

How I bought a red dining room set

The morning before the chiefs won the superbowl